Or however that's spelled. Anyways, I have decided to write a journal entry every now and then from now on. Just to clear my head, cause that's the perfect way to do so for me. I could use my Dutch blog for this, but too many people I know read that So I'll use devart. So, I had a kind of breakthrough today. As some people know, I was in a horrible depression till.. well, about 2 hours ago. The cause isn't important right now. But yeah, it was pretty bad. Pretty bad as in that I wanted nothing more than jump out of the window and, uh, die.

But I decided, after getting encouraged by a few people, to not do so, and instead switch on the light, put away the beer and chocolate and stop thinking about whatever caused the depression. So I did, I turned on the light, turned off the depressing music, grabbed a piece of fruit, some energy drink(not healthy, I know, but I could use some energy) and just run. I ran. Don't ask me why, I just did, and for some weird reason it worked. It helped me clear my head. Then I did push-ups, shaved, brushed my teeth and splashed a few hands of cold water in my face. And I felt great, I feel great. Well, not great maybe, but so much better.

When I was starting to sweat a bit too much, I decided to stop "working out"(some people would make fun of me for calling it that, but it was quite a lot for me ). Of course bad thoughts and memories came back. Or actually good ones, but still they made me feel horrible. So I decided to grab the controller and play a game for the first time in weeks. One of those games where you have to keep paying attention, which worked absolutely perfect.

Now that I got sick of that, I decided to turn on the TV, instead of more depressing music. Not that I'm watching, but just some sound, talking in the background keeps me from breaking down. Might sound stupid or pathetic, but it works. And now I'm typing this, to get rid of some thoughts. Don't expect anyone to read it, don't care, I could just not upload it, but meh, why not share. Encouraging comments are always welcome, of course

And I know I'm just drowning out the depressing thoughts, but as long as it works I don't really care. Cause if I stayed like I was earlier today for too much longer I seriously don't know if I could've kept myself from jumping out that window.(although I'm pretty sure it's not high enough to die from... meh, we still have an attic)

yeah, thanks to anyone that read through all that, expect some more updates no matter if you want to or not. Now I'll go and find a new documentary, cause this one's over.